To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
-- Joseph Addison
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. -- Woody Allen
Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with
all your heart.
-- Marcus Aurelius
It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
-- Jane Austen
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
-- Baudelaire
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it
interesting.
Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
n David Bissonette
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge
For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.
-- Robert Briffault
Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.
-- Mary Buckley
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
-- Barbara Bush, first lady, 1989
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
-- G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
-- G. K. Chesterton
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
-- S. T. Coleridge
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
-- Noel Coward
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings
Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to
give.
-- Cass Daley
I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and
guarantee he'd be dead within a year.
-- Bette Davis
Honor the ocean of love.
-- George de Benneville
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
-- Francois de La Rouchefoucauld
It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
-- Francois de La Rouchefoucauld
There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.
-- Francois de La Rouchefoucauld
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us.
-- Mme de Stael
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
-- Lord Dewar
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
-- Ken Dodd
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
-- Isadora Duncan
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein
Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
-- Rose Franken
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Fran
Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind and understanding.
If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the coaching staff, the same rule applies.
Tell her: "Kath, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is right." Unless you actually care for her, in which
case you must see to it that she has no male contact whatsoever.
-- Bruce Jay Friedman
A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many
women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really_ attractive.
-- Bruce Friedman
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
-- Erich Fromm
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
We look forward to the time when the power to love of will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the
blessings of peace.
-- William Gladstone
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.
-- Roy Goodman
It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are romantic dreamers and
actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for that
little tiny jar.
-- Jane Goodsell
If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
-- Robert Graves
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.
-- Sacha Guitry
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
-- Sacha Guitry
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- Sacha Guitry
People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.
n John Harriggan
The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only
glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
-- Helen Hayes
Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.
-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
-- Katharine Hepburn
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now
and then.
-- Katharine Hepburn
When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to
reform him.
-- Elbert Hubbard
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
-- Elbert Hubbard
A compliment is like a kiss through a veil.
-- Victor Hugo
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
-- Victor Hugo
Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the
neighbors as being very much.
-- Zora Neale Hurston
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-- Margo Kaufman
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when
you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
-- Jean Kerr
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-- Sam Kinison
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
-- Marvin Kitman
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
-- F. M. Knowles
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
-- Lao Tzu
Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
-- Michael Leunig
The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
-- Groucho Marx
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-- James Holt McGavran
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken
Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
-- Jeanne Moreau
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
-- George Jean Nathan
A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.
True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some
madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, First Part: On Reading and Writing
We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.
-- Agnes Repplier
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the
mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover,
instead of creating the perfect love.
-- Tom Robbins
To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to finish without knowing
what you have written.
-- Jean Jacques Rousseau
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
-- George Bernard Shaw
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a
philosopher.
-- Socrates
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.
-- Herbert Spencer
Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women
talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
n Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
n Mother Teresa
We can do not great things - only small things with great love.
n Mother Theresa
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
n Lana Turner
Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph
Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as
Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like
Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway.
-- Judith Viorst
The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.
-- Andy Warhol
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
-- Oscar Wilde
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-- Oscar Wilde
Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and
prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To
be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie
in things. Meaning lies in us.
-- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.
-- Shelley Winters | 
